I open at the close

Yesterday I had the utter joy of meeting up with two of my house mates from university, I hadn't hung out with both of them together in three years, and for two years I barely saw either of them so it was very exciting to meet up with them in Greenwich where we went to uni and spend a few hours pretending we were students again. 

My two house mates and their boyfriends

University was such a huge massive thing in my life, I started thinking about it at 15 as I was sitting exams in secondary school, and my three years in college was basically working towards the goal of getting into uni. I remember the night before I was due to get my A Level results which would either mean I got in or not, so clearly. I was volunteering at a Summer Camp in Somerset I was with my best friend who was also getting her results tomorrow, and I was laying in my tent unable to sleep as I jumped between feeling very very excited about going to uni and the utter dread if I didn't get is as I had absolutely no back up plan in place. In the end I told myself  "I can't change anything now,  and what ever happens I will just have to get on with it" and went to sleep ! 

At the time I didn't realise just how exciting university is while I was there, but looking back and talking with my friends about everything we got up to, you realise just how great it is and how many firsts we shared together. Moving out for the first time, cooking for the first time, going on a bus in London for the first time one of the girls had never ordered a Chinese before she moved to uni. 

That's the thing about uni house mates, yeah I had other friends who went to uni and I did make many friends at uni as well but your house mates experience everything with you, these girls saw me drunkenly stumble home, they saw me  the next day in a less then graceful state, they saw me cry over break ups, get exited about exam results, stress over essays and we have all cried with laughter together. We spent birthdays and Christmases together introduced each other to our family and friends from back home. So many experiences that you could only have because we all shared a flat.

Also it helped us all find our passion. When I first thought about going to uni I wanted to do History, for about 4 year it had it in my mind as that is what I wanted to do, I was very good at it, I really enjoyed the subject and I already knew what areas I wanted to focus on. But as college wore on there was a little flame growing that was getting brighter and brighter and by the time it came to filling out my University application there was no way I was going to pick any other subject apart from English. ( Though I must say I do still love History !)

And with my house mates I got to really dive into it. Me and one house mate, Alice, would spend hour talking in her room about Books and philosophers and essays and God, until the moon slipped away and the sun was peaking over roof tops. It was fantastic these new conversation I had never had before, all because we had be brought together by a desire to get a higher education and we all had our own specialised interests to bring to discussions. 

Going to university is like being an adult, with disposable income and freedom but no real big responsibilities expect to pass your degree, which isn't by any means easy, but when you have literally having nothing else to worry about does help. 

Meeting up with them was like re reading a much loved book, it took me right back there to that adventure we shared, forging our way together into adulthood. I could re read that book everyday and I would never get bored of it. 

Thank you girls for being such great character in the best chapters of my story so far !

Three of us at our University grounds

Rella Xx

Baby Steps

So over the weekend I had the privilege to watch my boyfriend graduate University. I met him during his Fresher week, he was just starting his first year, I was about to embark on my third and final year and now here we are both graduates, and I can hardly believe we have made it here already. That now, for the first time ever neither of us are students.

Here we are at his graduation!

However I am proud of both of us for following our dreams and getting a degree, I have found it has filled me with a lot of worry and fear now. As a graduate every-ones expectations are so much higher, a simple entry level job simply will not do, and you are expected to have this whole plan in place, and these wonderful jobs with fantastic salary's are meant to be flying at you left right and centre. But they're not. 

I know my family is very proud of me and my boyfriends family are equally chuffed with him, but all weekend the question on every bodies lips is "What next?" they want to know what jobs we have applied for, and when we are going to move into our own place, have we started driving yet ? or thought about where we might move to for work ? any interviews lined ? I know their heart is in the right place but, I don't know the answers ! I wish I knew, but I don't even know what job I want let alone how to go about getting it. 

When you're a child you have this image of your life, as if its a thread that will weave in and out of opportunities and goal, and more threads with join in and twist together as you get married and have children and, in the end your thread has made a beautiful tapestry of all you've done, but the reality isn't quite so smooth, your thread get tangled and knotted and you fray it as you work away at the mess and you carry it round in stomach everyday feeling it getting more knotted and tangled and its just not working out the way you wanted it to, and you feel like such a let down. 

I finished my degree and I still work in retail, and I don't like it at all, and family and friends will joke about me working there when I have a degree to my name, while others point out how they have a better job then me and they never went to uni, and it starts to hurt. 

And here I am watching my boyfriend take these baby steps into the world of work and I am worried for him, worried that he ends up trapped like I am, not knowing what path to take or in which direction, worried that the constant job applications will wear him down, worried that this time next year we are no further forward then we are now. 

You are always told to follow your dreams, to reach for the stars, but no one tells you what to do when you holding it in your hand and it's starting to burn.

Rella Xx

Full Time Job hunter, 30 Hours a week Plus overtime and Weekend - Annual salary £0

So over the past few weeks I have been looking for a new job, I currently have the same retail job I had when I was seventeen, only now I am in my twenties and have a degree, and feel so desperate for something new, a job that reflects all the hard work I have put in over the past few year. 

However it seems London just isn't employing! I spend my free time on websites applying to anything and every time, re writing my CV, or tweaking my Cover Letter, navigating career websites and shooting off emails in a fashion more spectacular and rapid then a fireworks display, and just like fireworks once the smoke has clear from the sky all I am left with is black nothingness, stars too far away to reach and a sense of how very small you are compared to the expanse above you. 

The amount of questionnaires and surveys I have had to fill out listing my "Great Qualities" and "relevant Experience" and explained in detail what I can bring to the role, I feel I could fill a whole book with. If only there was a section on a CV for the skill set of " making a dead end job sound like a wealth of knowledge and opportunity, and making it seem like I am in fact the great employee ever, but I am will to sacrifice this amazing job just for your company because I am that excited and passionate about photocopying" then my CV would be top notch. 

But the thing is I really do want that photocopying job, I really do want to send off emails and answer calls. I don't want to ask people if they "want a bag with that?", I am so ready for that job my degree promised me. It's just a shame the degree isn't a Get Out of Retail Free Card.

Rella Xx