Leaving the books at home

When I was 20 I started seeing an ex boyfriend again for the third time. I was convinced once and for all we were going to make it work because to me he was this wonderful perfect boy and we were made for each other. One day I returned home and my house mates announced a gift wrapped packaged had arrived while I was in my lesson. I very excited opened it and discovered this guy had sent me a Kindle. 

Kindles were brand new at the time and cost about £119, and I had mentioned in passing that I would like one as I had to carry a lot of books around, what with doing an English course. And suddenly a week later I had been sent one, and I was shocked and touched by this gesture. That evening I downloaded some books onto it and in my next seminar when I whipped out my flash new toy the whole class wanted to have a look and my lecturer asked what I thought of it and I sang its praises how the books were so cheap and in some cases even free, and it was so light and the battery life seemed endless. 

A couple of months later unsurprisingly, the somewhat rocky and pretty unhealthy on off relationship with this boy came to an explosive end, though we were not officially together picture of him in bed with someone else while he was at his ex girlfriends wedding, and him not wishing me Happy Birthday on my 21st birthday which all happens to be Valentines day finally did it for me. We had a heated phone call and after I sent him a strongly worded text telling him to never contact me again culminating in my throwing my phone across the room. We haven't had any contact since, and neither has the Kindle and me.

Once I cut off ties with this guy I wanted to rid myself of everything that reminded me of him. I threw out stuff he had given, re arranged my room so it wouldn't remind me of him, I dyed my hair so I didn't look like the same girl who liked this guy, and because I couldn't bring myself to throw out a perfectly good working Kindle it went into the bottom of the wardrobe where it stayed until this September where it finally made its way into the bin. 

My feelings toward e-Books also changed. A Kindle was not practical for a Uni student, I couldn't highlight important parts of the text. You couldn't quickly flip to a page to refresh your memory on what had happened, You couldn't read it in bight lights and they Uni didn't have a format that allowed you to properly reference digital books. I honestly didn't like them, I only liked them because the boy I fancied had bought me one, and I didn't use another e-book format again. 

Until the latest iPhone update where they introduced a new app rather un-inspiringly named iBook. When ever my Phone updates I have a little tinker around with the new apps, and they never touch them again ( has any one every used the Pass Book app?). So I clicked on it and it is basically the same as the Newstand on the iPhone which allows you to down load Magazines but this one it for books. I saw they had a few books which you could download for free and I browsed through thinking they would all be rubbish books because why would an author of a good book allow their work to be given away for free and I came across a book I really like Starter For Ten by David Nicholls. Which made we think the other free books might not be that bad after all.

I decided to download two books, both genres that I normally wouldn't go for one was a crime book The Woods  by Harlan Coben  which is actually pretty good and would recommend you get if you have an iPhone, and the other was a Chick-Lit book called The One you Really Want by Jill Mansell which really isn't that great. I started reading The Woods  first and it is a genuinely interesting book about a man whose sister was killed when they were at a summer camp together as teenagers and her body was never found. The story had lots of twists and turns and suspense it was a good read. 

I found reading it on the iBook meant I was reading at times I wouldn't normally read. The Advert breaks on TV, while waiting for my Boyfriend to meet me in town, and on the bus to work which is only a ten minuet journey. Because the book is right there in my pocket and the pages are only the size of the screen I can whip it out read a few paragraphs and pop it away again. I also really liked that the screen alters is brightness depending on the room your in, If the room is well lit it will display traditional black text on white, but if you are reading in bed in low lighting it will display white text on black which is easier on the eye which reading off a screen. 

Also at the bottom of the page it tell you how many pages you have to go before the end of the chapter, which is handy because if you are reading on the go rather then trying to rush to the end of the chapter you can instead plan to stop at the next paragraph break because you know you just wont make it to the chapter end. 

How there are still thing I dislike. I will never get use to not being able to quickly flip back a few pages to re read a line with out loosing my place. And the other day while reading I accidentally flipped to the end of the book and it was very hard to find my place again. Also I just don't think I could ever bring myself to pay for a book on this app. Because in the back of my mind I will always be thinking "for a couple extra pound you could have a physical book" 

So as far as my relationship with e-books, I feel we can work it out, we will never be where we were but I feel we can be friends. As for that guy ... well that ship has well and truly sailed.

Rella

Xx

Baby Steps

So over the weekend I had the privilege to watch my boyfriend graduate University. I met him during his Fresher week, he was just starting his first year, I was about to embark on my third and final year and now here we are both graduates, and I can hardly believe we have made it here already. That now, for the first time ever neither of us are students.

Here we are at his graduation!

However I am proud of both of us for following our dreams and getting a degree, I have found it has filled me with a lot of worry and fear now. As a graduate every-ones expectations are so much higher, a simple entry level job simply will not do, and you are expected to have this whole plan in place, and these wonderful jobs with fantastic salary's are meant to be flying at you left right and centre. But they're not. 

I know my family is very proud of me and my boyfriends family are equally chuffed with him, but all weekend the question on every bodies lips is "What next?" they want to know what jobs we have applied for, and when we are going to move into our own place, have we started driving yet ? or thought about where we might move to for work ? any interviews lined ? I know their heart is in the right place but, I don't know the answers ! I wish I knew, but I don't even know what job I want let alone how to go about getting it. 

When you're a child you have this image of your life, as if its a thread that will weave in and out of opportunities and goal, and more threads with join in and twist together as you get married and have children and, in the end your thread has made a beautiful tapestry of all you've done, but the reality isn't quite so smooth, your thread get tangled and knotted and you fray it as you work away at the mess and you carry it round in stomach everyday feeling it getting more knotted and tangled and its just not working out the way you wanted it to, and you feel like such a let down. 

I finished my degree and I still work in retail, and I don't like it at all, and family and friends will joke about me working there when I have a degree to my name, while others point out how they have a better job then me and they never went to uni, and it starts to hurt. 

And here I am watching my boyfriend take these baby steps into the world of work and I am worried for him, worried that he ends up trapped like I am, not knowing what path to take or in which direction, worried that the constant job applications will wear him down, worried that this time next year we are no further forward then we are now. 

You are always told to follow your dreams, to reach for the stars, but no one tells you what to do when you holding it in your hand and it's starting to burn.

Rella Xx